The Beauty Narcissism

The Prologue from the book, The Alchemist...

© Paulo Coelho

The Alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus.  The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who daily knelt beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty.  He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus.  But this was not how the author of the book ended the story.

He said that when Narcissus died, the Goddesses of the Forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.  "Why do you weep?" the Goddesses asked.  "I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.  "Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand."  "But..... was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.  "Who better than you to know that?" the Goddesses said in wonder, "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!!"  The lake was silent for some time.  Finally it said:  "I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.  "What a lovely story," the alchemist thought.

I love this story - it perfectly describes what we can truly see in the eyes of another even those of narcissism.  In Psychology Today August 2011 issue there is a great article titled, "How to Spot a Narcissist." (http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201106/how-spot-narcissist)

"In 1984, psychologist Robert Emmons posed the original narcissistic paradox: He noted that narcissists simultaneously devalue others even as they need others' admiration. Back's research on narcissism now allows psychologists to resolve this long-standing paradox. It appears that narcissists seek out people who maintain their high positive self-image, at the same time intentionally avoiding and putting down people who may give them a harsh dose of realism. "Seeking admiration is like a drug for narcissists," notes Back. "In the long run it becomes difficult because others won't applaud them, so they always have to search for new acquaintances from whom they get the next fix." This could explain why narcissists so frequently change their social contexts and maintain only weak ties to others."

The article also mentions that those who are in a relationship (can be friends too) with someone who is a narcissist leave hurt and baffled.  So true. . . 

My tips to keep your peace of mind and keep loving
1.  Keep centered in yourSelf - It's ok to have space between you and the other
2.  See the soul
3.  Be awake to what they are saying to you by their actions & words -  respond w/respect for yourself  
4.  Look inside for the lesson on why you have drawn this person to you
5.  Learn learn learn


Many blessings to you